In Cancun, Mexico, facing a crack pipe, doubts swirled in my mind about Bufo's promised enlightenment or the abyss of addiction. Watching two brave souls precede me, I inhaled Toad Medicine, dissolving into a realm of love—a delicious emotional feast. A second round, however, plunged into unexpected darkness—a torrent of red-hot rage, an ancestral confrontation with my mother.
As the Medicine's magic waned, the aftermath wasn't just peace; it was the initiation into a deeper journey—the escape from The Triangle. The realization struck: the true work unfolded not in psychedelic realms but in navigating the complexities of one's psyche.
What is The Triangle?
I've heard it called many names: drama triangle, Oppression Trap Triangle, relationship triad. In its most basic form, The Triangle is a method of relating that takes you out of your power. It is created through oppression—the condition of opposing pressure. There are 3 primary types:
- Suppression—Pressure created by something being held down. The direction of pressure comes from another person.
- Repression—Pressure created when you decide to hold something back. The pressure direction comes from you responding to another person or group's presence.
- Depression—A holding in. Often where we land when suppression or repression goes to the next level. Anger turned inward.
The Triangle Has 3 Basic Roles
Victim: Oppressed or perceives being oppressed by Villain. Believes s/he is unworthy of love and acts incapable so as to lure Victor in to save him/her. Projects shame inward and outward.
Villain: Oppresses the Victim or is perceived by the Victim as oppressive. Does not seek love; seeks attention. Acts without responsibility.
Victor (Hero): Rescues Victim with or without invitation AND oppresses the Villain. Believes s/he earns love by saving the Victim. Projects shame.
Being in The Triangle limits personal agency and creates co-dependency. The first way out is to become aware of when you're in The Triangle. Next, notice which role you gravitate toward and what benefits you receive from that role. Don't judge yourself—accept that you created it. By your very nature, you are a creator. As you learn the lesson, these dynamics will fade.
Stepping into Empowerment
Victims move to Creator by creating solutions (focus on what YOU can do). Your mantra: "I'll solve this." Villains move to Challenger by creating structure and boundaries. Your mantra: "How can we fix the problem?" Victors move to Coach by listening and providing support only when asked. Your mantra: "I'll guide you only when you ask."
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